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We’ve updated our Terms of Use. You can review the changes here.

Ambivalent

by ANLMA / Calor

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1.
All a lifetimes worth of chasing A better brighter day Did you ever think that you'd find silver in the gray? Or perhaps you were escaping The bitter plight of faith Just another dreamer simply trying to awake So you say That I am bound to watch this all go up in flames (Flames burning all around me) And you will see as the smoke dissipates (The taste of ash and ember bears no sustenance) Only I remain In the silence Silence... I've ignored my steady decline into dependency As the life around me degrades Isolation serves as the antidote To the bone-aching stresses of life Relapsing Collapsing Codependent I surrender to my ignorance In attempt to soothe my mental dissonance All a lifetimes worth of chasing A better brighter day Did you ever think that you'd find silver in the gray? Or perhaps you were escaping The bitter plight of faith Just another dreamer simply trying to awake Im kinda sick of feelin wasted I'm kinda sick of feeling ignorant I want a life that won't amount to nothing When did we all get so complacent Putting a front on like we're ignorant So that we wont have to amount to something Its like we all need a replacement Some sort of sign where we cant ignore it Our addiction to playing the victim For too long Relapsing Collapsing Codependent I surrender to my ignorance In attempt to soothe my mental dissonance
2.
The dread of death encroaches on my mind A freezing sweat is dripping down my spine This prison cell creates a lasting bind It’s my own consciousness that keeps all hope confined The moments before sleep haunting a child’s mind Questions about life, death, parasitic Digging deeper and deeper still, evoking panic never before known Anxiety is born Living in fear this is despair By my own nature I seek out a savior Why should I care so deeply? Should approaching death be so crippling? For if there's no escaping My life is mine to live Controlling my own death To free me from this hell When hell is a life that is lived in fear Too afraid of mortality This is barely a reality Never no never again Should I lose sleep over that which i cannot defeat Focus my mind; surrender to my ignorance There's only time; our only value and expense Haunted nightmare dreams Keep on gripping tighter with its teeth Wake me from this dream to find Death staring back at me Never no never again Should I lose sleep over that which i cannot defeat
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credits

released June 6, 2020

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ANLMA Brooklyn, New York

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